Portside

I.

Tell all your friends

to get out and vote.

II.

Put a pillowcase over your head

and pretend that none of this

is happening.

III.

Emigrate to Ireland.

IV.

Try a good single barrel bourbon;

Blanton’s, perhaps, or Angel’s Envy.

V.

How about a header

off the Golden Gate Bridge;

or, if you’re on the East Coast,

maybe the Verrazano.

VI.

Rent a tuxedo,

go to Antarctica,

and try to pass yourself off

as a penguin.

VII.

If good bourbon

is beyond your budget,

go with MD 20/20.

VIII.

Beg the DNC

to field a candidate

younger than Methuselah.

IX.

Send the DNC a lot of money

to bolster your request.

X.

Emigrate to Ireland.

XI.

Go for a long walk,

maybe in the Sahara Desert

or the Amazon Rain Forest.

XII

Consider prayer:

according to John XIV, 14:

“If ye shall ask any thing in My name,

I will do it.”

XIII.

Remember:

the game ain’t over

‘til the fat lady sings.

Do the right thing

come November.

W. D. Ehrhart is author of Thank You for

your Service: Collected Poems (McFarland). 

His most recent collection is At Smedley Butler's Grave from Moonstone.